I am a wise woman now, very proud of who I have become. I am reasonably educated , started working (since I was 14 – giving tuitions, working part-time while in college) from a conservative middle-class family where finances were pretty much in order, taught to budget and save wherever possible, I ended up in a relationship where there was no transparency as partners when it came to finances.
Quitting my job to be a homemaker and giving up my independence of “my own” money was one of the biggest blunders made. I never got to know the actual income of my partner, despite being persistent and miserably failing to get any answers, it was always why you need to? I am there na to take care of you. Sigh, how romantic it seems and sounds to you.
Still, I fell into that trap of trusting & believing in my partner. Turned a deaf ear to what the brain was saying as phenylethylamine (being in love!) took over. And the world (unreal imaginary bubble) I had built burst in a couple of years being in the marriage.
It was a situation I had not prepared or ever thought of obviously, being well read, educated coming from a culture where the wife is aware of every penny spent, I could not comprehend how I had landed myself in this mess!
I was 28 and jobless with a year-old baby and had put our lives and faith in the hands of a person who projected that the income was comfortable, spending habits were in check and savings were being taken care of and that we would not have to worry of any unforeseen emergencies.
You cannot even imagine how it felt when the world came crashing around me and my baby as I came to know of unimaginable debt, no job for my partner and his dependency on his parents to run the house remotely, us living hand to mouth!
Which made me profoundly depressed, questioned my intelligence, hiding from my parents and friends, my self-respect and self-worth was in doubt and I also now realize that I had suicidal thoughts and tendencies for the next few years!
Of course, I had to come out of the vicious cycle of being dependent ever on anybody, took a while to get back to work but managed to hang on, and there was a baby depending on me to raise right.
The satisfaction, the confidence it brought me again when I worked and the pride I took in surviving and not being in debt helped me teach my child the most valuable lesson.
I am very sure that even now most women are either asked to or sometimes choose to stay at home especially where you have to be a caregiver to senior members.
Believe me, if you do have a choice stick to earning your own money no matter how small amount it is even if it means doing something from home, turn your passion or hobby into a source of income, do online consulting, media or babysit, upgrade your skills online. There is a wide range of options now available on the internet as well; please be wise to never depend on the income of your partner.
Being financially wise, aware and independent is a high you can never tire of ever! And being that reflects and touches on every other important aspect of your life be it in a relationship, loving yourself, being happy and peaceful and being prepared for most everything in life in tight situations!
Many times now I wonder if something like ProsperFit had existed when I was going through a rough patch in my life because of finances! How different my life would have turned out to be then! It would have helped me cope with the struggles and handheld me during one of the worst time in my life!!